Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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