we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
