eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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