I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
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