I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
