I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
