If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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