Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Randomize
