is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
