I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
