Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
