we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
