it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
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