tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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