Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
