I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
