Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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