Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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