When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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