we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
