I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
