he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
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