I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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