he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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