they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
