I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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