I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
