He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
