One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
