I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
