So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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