you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Randomize
