You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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