Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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