im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
