a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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