Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I got chris browned last night
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
