Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
