he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
