Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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