The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
