he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
