Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Panties = found
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