They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
