I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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