He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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