he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
The air taste purple.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
