I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
