My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
