it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
