i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
