I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
