So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
i drank out of a bidet.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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