11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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