i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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