May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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