You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
as a side note pls kill me
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
