Sry I called you an 8
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Locals Wish Tourists Would Stop Doing These 27 Things
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG