You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.