I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
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all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
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Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?