my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day