i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?