loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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