what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
