I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
