You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
